Most people have this totally wrong!

Counseling is when you have tried everything and can't work things out by yourself anymore.

That's the time most people seek counseling, however let me use an analogy here.

You take every cent you have, and put it down as a deposit for a brand new shiny Mercedes (or BMW or Porsche). You know that you will have to scrimp and scrape financially for the next 5 years to pay it off. You are financially nearly broke because of your purchase. But you know that you will enjoy this car so much, it is absolutely worth any sacrifice.

You now drive your car every day, and because it is new, it is a dream. However 6 month down the line, it's time for a service. You reason, hey, it's driving beautifully, I will just keep on driving.

3 years later, the car is not new and shiny anymore, as a matter of fact, it just broke down, because you never serviced it. Of course now there are other new Mercedes cars driving past you as you are stuck with your clunker.

What do you do.

Do you go out and buy another car to treat that way again? If you had the money, maybe. Chances are, you now take it to a garage and ask them to fix it. Because of your neglect, it may or may not be possible to do so. Either way, there is a huge financial outlay involved.

Back to relationships.

Don't wait until it breaks, take it for a service at the slightest hint of a deterioration. Seek counseling just to keep your relationship on track.

When you aren't yet in trouble, the counselor has so much more to work with. The basics are still in place, small miscommunications can easily be resolved and used to enhance the relationship. Look at it like a service and tune up. Your car runs better than before, and so will your relationship.

Providing that the basics were in place when you got married, such a "tune up" should be possible. If the whole marriage was based on lies and deceit, things are a little tougher, though not always impossible.

Back to the analogy. You thought you bought a Mercedes, but you never checked under the hood and it actually had a Ford engine (no disrespect to Ford, just for the example). The engine was never designed for the heavy Mercedes and doesn't last. You can replace the engine, or live with the poor performance.

It's the same in a relationship. If the foundation for both parties expectations are solid, it can always be "tuned up", if it was based on deceit, things are more difficult.

So the bottom line is, look upon relationship or marriage counseling, as a first step, not a last resort. Trained professional counselors can and will help you improve and strengthen your marriage. Use them.

You might even consider finding a sympathetic counselor, and having regular sessions, whether things are good or bad. These obviously don't need to be intense weekly sessions, just every couple of months or so.

This could be the best financial investment you may ever make.