Do you know what its like to revert back to being a 16 year old when you go home to visit your family for the holidays? Weve all been there and done that. I know Ive BTDT. But, not anymore! Ive learned a few handy dandy tips that help me stay in the current decade whenever I make a trip home to visit. THE OLD ME No matter how mature and successful I was in my real life, when Id go home it was like The Matrix in reverse. Instead of someone plugging me into a computer to upload new stuff into my head (my synopsis of that entire, complicated movie!), it was as if someone plugged in to me and downloaded all my good sense, self-control, and maturity! Then, as long as I was plugged in they also reinstalled the old programs that used to run non-stop in my 16-17 year old brain! My family is extremely close, and we love each other very much. We have great relationships and always enjoy our visits. I loved (and still love) going home. But, several years ago, I had begun to notice that every trip home seemed to bring out the worst of me not because of anyone else, but because I just slid right back into old patterns of thinking and behaving. When I was around the people who had to put up with me back in the day, I became the old me. Disclaimer: Lest you get the impression that I was a teenage terror, I really wasnt all THAT bad! Right, Mom? WHAT I LEARNED The first step towards recovery was the awareness of what happened every year. In my 20s, I just thought it was a fluke that I seemed so moody at home: It must be the season. In my early 30s, I started noticing the pattern from visit to visit. By my late 30s, I realized (and admitted) that it had always been ME that was the trouble. I had viewed my trips home as my right to throw all my adult responsibilities overboard, and behave like a kid. I didnt like what I saw nor did I like the result of my immature and selfish behavior. By the time I reached 40 - (OK, so I'm a slow learner!) - I had learned that my behavior was my responsibility and that if I could simply retain the aspects of my mature life that had improved me, these visits home could be the most pleasurable times of my life! WHAT I DO NOW Now, my visits home to spend time with my Mom and the rest of my family are the highlight of each year. Here are a few things I have learned to do that are practical and simple, but make a huge difference. 1. Identify the daily routines in my life that are essential to me being at my best. For me this includes: * Devotional/prayer time * Eating regular, small meals * Getting up at my normal time in the morning * Taking my normal routine of supplements and health drinks * Exercising Of course, your must-have-routines will be unique to you. The point is, get clear on what those are. 2. Come up with a plan, often written out, as to how I will schedule these daily routines in. Ill actually picture myself at my Moms home, including what room Ill be staying in then think through how, where, when I can fit in the things that meet my needs while still being considerate of everyone else and maximizing my time with others. 3. Think through the people Ill be seeing while Im home, and determine what the most important thing is that Id like to share with them in conversation. This makes our time together significant and meaningful, rather than just sitting around the TV or chit-chatting about superficial stuff. 4. Think about what I want to have as a take away from this time at home. * Who do I want to have engaged in conversation?
* What new memories do I want to take away from this visit? * What can I do for others so that they feel blessed and encouraged from having spent time with me? * What is my ideal outcome? I think of this as a type of vision for my trip. Since Ive started to do this kind of pre-trip planning, my visits are much more fun, satisfying, and memorable. I maintain my current level of maturity (which, admittedly, could always benefit from improvement!). And we all immediately begin looking forward to our next time together. Think through your own family visits this year, and have a blessed, peaceful holiday season! |
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