Here are five feelings we all experience in changing times. Check these out for yourself by thinking about times when you were experiencing significant life change, either personal or professional.

1. We feel that our personal security is being threatened;

2. Our conventional expectations are disrupted;

3. Strong out-of-control feelings want to take over;

4. Awkwardness and embarrassment occur; and

5. We feel fear that we look foolish that were flailing around. Resistance is normal any time change is occurring, because none of us like these feelings, and yet we all feel them. And the feelings are usually directly proportional to the degree and rapidity of the change thats being asked of us.

In a way, change is a kind of death, because it involves a loss of what has been familiar -- often for a long time. This is true whether or not the change is positive or negative. A terrific new job, for instance, means that an old, familiar job will be lost. A divorce may involve many losses simultaneously - spouse, children, a life style, standing in the community, a home, and so forth.

Don't discount the significance of these losses.

A very important way of looking at resistance is that it isnt something to avoid...its something to recognize, to pay attention to, to take responsibility for, and to talk about with another person. Unfortunately, many people squash their feelings and thoughts, pretending that things are just going along as usual.

It's far more productive to fully admit the importance of the circumstances, to recognize the losses involved. And if you can find someone else to talk with whos already gone through it, youll find yourself being supported, because that person has been there, knows what it feels like, and has come out the other side.

Taking responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, and doing the things that honor the underlying emotions that spring from change, will serve you well. The good news is that after a time, your feelings will change and you will begin to move from resistance to the exploration of alternatives. It may be helpful to give you a shot at whatevers going on with you right now. In fact, whats coming up right now may be a reflection of exactly what brought you to the decision to read this article.

On a plain piece of paper jot down these items, then write your answers.

Item #1: Think about a change (or possible change) in your life. List some of the reasons you feel resistant to this change.

Item #2: Now list whatever specific ways you can think of to overcome your resistance.

Item #3: What other thoughts, ideas and feelings are you experiencing right now?

Now, heres what I want you to do with this work. Put aside the paper youve been writing on. Forget it...until tomorrow. Then, look at it again. Ask yourself a couple of questions:

- Have my reasons changed?

- Can I think of any new ways to overcome both old and new feelings?

Write down your answers, and go do the rest of your day. Do this each day for a week and see what happens!

Paul McNeese

Paul McNeese, BS, CFP (Ret.), is a training professional with more than 25 years of experience in educating, motivating and inspiring individuals and groups. He has entered coaching by the ?back door,? having founded an online publishing company in 2001, where he discovered that many authors, both newcomers and experienced professionals, require coaching to bring out the very best writing they are capable of producing. But now that he?s in it, he?s in it! Paul is a member of the Phoenix, Arizona chapter of the International Coach Federation. He is also studying in Coachville?s certification program and is currently working as a coach to nine authors, a ghostwriter, and several promotional marketing writers. An honors graduate of Northeastern University in Boston, Paul holds a bachelor of science degree in marketing and has done graduate work in psychology, economics and public policy at UCLA. He held the Certified Financial Planner (CFP) designation between 1981 and 1994, when he retired (the first time around). He also holds a certificate in counseling from Cypress College in Los Angeles. Today, Paul McNeese combines his organizational expertise, marketing ?savvy,? communications fluency and interpersonal skills with an upbeat, entertaining public speaking style as he presents personal growth strategies in an interactive one-day workshop called ?Betterchange.? He developed the first ?Betterchange? workshop in 1994 as a vehicle for training the staff and management of not-for profit organizations, and he continues to refine it almost daily to better equip attendees to meet the future successfully. A second edition of his book, ?Salespower through Successful Seminars,? is scheduled for publication in early 2006 as an online publication in his OPA Publishing catalog, and he has begun work on another book, ?Betterchange: 12 Keys to Personal and Professional Growth,? which will see publication in mid-2006. He has also recently completed an audiotape/CD set based on his ?Betterchange? seminar/workshop.